the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
