and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
