we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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