We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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