8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
