If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
