The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
