I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
