Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
