i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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