i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
