dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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