my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
