Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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