We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
