bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
