He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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