he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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