I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
