so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
