I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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