how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
