I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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