do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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