So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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