My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
