I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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