when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
