once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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