i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
