I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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