I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
