would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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