she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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