I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
