Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
