I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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