All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize