no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
