I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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