I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
