What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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