Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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