to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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