If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
