I have demons in me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
