Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
