I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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