Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
