u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
